Explore the popular image of the 'cougar' - older women who date younger men.
Innocent child. Nubile young woman. Fertile Mother. Aging caregiver. Crone. This stereotypic rendition of woman's life cycle is clearly understood. As youth passes and beauty declines, a woman's worth is rooted in her utility as a mother. As her children age and caretaking is no longer paramount, a woman may live more for herself than ever before. The wise crone turns inwards to develop her latent gifts. They are made all the richer by her lived experiences as first an object of desire, and then a mother.
According to the crone, living free of the male gaze - or the sexualizing gaze of potential lovers in the case of same sex relationships - is liberating. So they say. But drooping breasts, jiggling bellies, and dimpled thighs don't render the crone invisible. Rather, she finds freedom in being regarded an inappropriate object of desire. As her desirability plummets, and her object status diminishes, the crone's subject status rises. Ironic, don't you think?
So, what about 'Cougars'? Cougars are an interesting socially constructed identity. Their image suggests as highly sexualized 'older' women who have achieved a certain degree of social and economic power. They are fit and dynamic. Yet they are women who are old enough, technically speaking, to be experiencing diminishment of their 'mothering' roles - if indeed, they ever were mothers - and they habitually date younger men.
What accounts for the continued sexualization of 'cougars'? Biological research that suggests women reach their sexual peak in their late 30's and early 40's. The increased sexual appetites of pre-menopausal women make 'cougars' compatible sexual partners for younger, more hormonally-led men. Social research suggests that older, more sexually experienced women are less conservative bed-fellows who can assure a more exciting encounter. Psychological research suggests that as women age, they tend to become more assertive, and this assertiveness translates into the capacity to fulfill a young man's dreams of sexual tutelage. Finally, economic perspectives argue that cougars are more financially established than younger women, and this translates into greater equality with younger men, who are often building careers and portfolios. Essentially, it means that she can find empowerment buying her own dinner.
Sound familiar? These are popular discourses that are used in support of older women who date younger men. However, in each of these four approaches, the 'cougar' is lauded for meeting the needs of her younger companion - sexually, experientially, educationally, and economically. She is valued for both her sexuality, and her utility. The real woman - the woman with interpersonal needs and experiences - disappears.
'Cougaring' does not bring us closer to equality. At least not in the way that 'cougaring' is currently envisioned. Rather, mutual respect, caring and communication - the kind that comes with really being seen and understood - in a relationship promises a balancing of strengths and needs. And this is not dependent of age.
