Straight talk for young people who feel confused about their gender identification and want help on coming out or where to go for advice.
The Perils of Puberty
The years of personality development throughout childhood and adolescence are critical in charting the qualitative nature of our experience. The period between three and 12 years of age are potent ones that determine the ways in which we will relate to our environment, our friends and our family for the rest of our lives. A healthy, happy productive life proceeds from a happy childhood. But for gender-variant or gender-questioning youth, these early years are filled with confusion, fear and the pain of emotional isolation.
For those transgendered people born during the post war baby-boom, childhood development was a minefield of hate and bigotry. So great was the threat to their survival that many lived in utter loneliness and despair for thirty to fifty years of age before revealing their ‘dark secret’ to even most trusted confidants. Many “Boomer Trans” who did tell were punished with rejection, institutionalization and/or imprisonment. While the realization that a child is "Trans" still holds the power to destabilize the family dynamic, there is now, largely due to the internet, substantial support for both parents, families, and the transitioning transgender child.
Am I Trans?
The process of self discovery can be traumatic, especially when it involves gender identification. Breaking out of gender prison requires self knowledge and the courage to be true to your feelings about yourself. The best way to know if you are gender variant is to know how you feel about your inner self and you outer self. A strong feeling that these two aspects are at odds within you is a good place to start. Humans without gender variation feel “at home” in their bodies. Transgendered people have the persistent sense that they live in a stranger’s house.
If you do have these feelings of being somehow “misplaced”, you probably spend a lot of time in front of a secret mirror trying to figure out why your reflection does not match your internal awareness. That feeling is called “Dysphoria,” a word that describes the difference between what you see and what you feel. The realization that your body does not represent the way you feel inside is the first step on the path to the new you. If you experience this most disturbing feeling, often a desire to escape your body, then the sooner you take appropriate action, the better the chance for a positive outcome. What you do, who to tell and how to tell requires a variety of skills that will eventually make the young trans person a stronger person.
Support on the Web
Many websites are dedicated to informing and supporting the transgendered life. Pflag is a great site for transpeople, their parents and friends. The Nation Transgender Advocacy Coalition and the Human Rights Campaign provide excellent support at their respective websites . The ABC Network's segment on transgendered children is also inspiring. One of the best books on the subject is “True Selves” by Mildred Brown.
If you find yourself alone with the discovery that you are transgender, take heart. Many people walk the same road to successful gender transition. Self-acceptance is the foundation you must stand upon to encourage acceptance from those around you. When you value yourself as a person, the path to your real, new self becomes clear.
For more great articles on gender expression, please read Gender is Destiny: Sex Roles and Individual Expression and Transgenderism Defined
